Rain

I once heard, not even sure from where, that when it rains, God is crying. I have also heard that New York is getting wet weather from a cold front sweeping through the region. Frankly, I don't really know or care about why it's raining or cold--I know that it is. This morning I waited for the bus in the rain with my Yoga mat and my bag, thinking about the fact that people will do almost anything to remain in New York. Take the bus when it never comes, work long hours for little pay and little mental stimulation, and struggle with the fact that even though people sell umbrellas on every corner, it seems like a waste of money to buy one.

While I was waiting for the bus, and while I was riding it, I was thinking about the tension in my shoulders and neck from the fact that I insist on carrying the Library of Congress book collection with me every day to and from work. I usually don't even take a lunch break--so I am not sure why I do it. I always need to feel prepared. Call it obsession, call it compulsion, call it a source of comfort. If I am not prepared with each of my books that I am reading/going to read/one day soon will analyze, I feel lost. I also thought about the fact that maybe the tension is, aside from the weight of the books, the weight of my mind quite literally on my shoulders.
I think about a million things per minute (as most brains do, but I somehow think that I average more than the usual.) I am thinking about (in no particular order):

1. Immigration
2. Masters Degree Programs
3. South African NGO's
   
4. The Election - Go Obama!
5. Career Paths
6. Family
7. Love
8. Food
9. Money
10. Yoga
11. getting in shape
12. things to do at work on any given day
    
13. How i will coordinate my after-work plans
14. friendships or the lack thereof

Yesterday in Yoga, I did a position where you lay on the floor and tuck your body over your hip so it stretches the opposite hip. Now would be a good time to Google the position name but I simply don't feel like it. I cried almost the entire way through Yoga--or at least teared up throughout. I am not sure why. I don't know if it is release of all of this anger or tension, but my tears were like pushing themselves out of my eyeballs. It was my own version of rain. I couldn't help it. It was as if God was pushing them out of me. I think that it could take a while before I resolve all of the things inside me that come out my eyeballs at random times.

I hope the rain stops soon, both inside and out. There's always an end to the rain at one time or another. Sometimes you just get a bonus good day--or sometimes you have to create your own way to live with the rain -- like for people in Seattle where it rains all the time. They see rain differently now than when they first moved there, I bet.

Maybe I am on my way to seeing the rain differently now too.